“My First Safe Place Was Her Heartbeat”

A story about healing and overcoming childhood fears.

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. In my case, it also makes you sleep with the TV on for 25 years straight.

Let me take you back.

I was around four or five years old, just a tiny native kid trying to figure out why grown-ups always whispered when they looked at me. I was placed in a foster home in the city—a home that should’ve been safe but came with rules that would make Trump cringe. My days were spent under a wooden table like I was the unused chair, told to stay there until my older sister came home from school. I could hear the tv blasted the air filled with cigarette smoke. I wasn’t allowed to play, laugh, or even look grown-ups in the eye.

And if I cried? That meant a trip to the cellar under the stairs.

Yes, a literal cellar. Pitch black. Cold. The kind of dark that feels like it’s swallowing your breath.

But I had a secret weapon. My sister. My protector. The nightmare whisperer. She’d sneak downstairs and let me out. And when night came and I’d wake up shaking, she’d place my ear on her chest and say, “Listen to my heart, you’re okay.” That safe feeling I got is what unconditional love felt like. But I wouldn’t know how it saved me throughout life until I was older. She was my dark knight that rescued me everytime.

Still, that fear of the dark? It followed me like a clingy ex, for decades.

Fast forward to my very grown adult self in my late twenties. I'm in early sobriety. Life is suddenly feelings and accountability and why am I just learning how to cry?

I started working the 14-step program. I was determined to heal, to feel, and maybe someday sleep like a normal person without a full-blown LED light show in my bedroom.

Then the Universe was like, “You want to heal? Cool. Let’s put you on a TV show.”

Now, I can’t say which show because of pride, but let’s just say I found myself deep in the woods with a tent, a group of strangers, and one very inconvenient fact: if you had to pee in the middle of the night, you had two options:

Crouch down like a rez dog next to the tent and pray no one heard or walk alone in the dark woods to the outhouse.

Y’all. I stared into that dark forest like it how I looked at my ex when we trauma bonded- terrified, unpredictable and riddled with anxiety that I thought was butterflies. I could feel little Alana shaking inside of me she would say. “just pee the bed and say it was sweat. Jk ”

But something in me shifted.

I took a breath, stood up, and whispered out loud, “We got this.”

I walked to the outhouse with my flashlight, hearing every single leaf ruffle and twig snap, Just me, the trees, and that terrified child inside who needed my sister. I sat in the gross outhouse frozen in fear and my mind was taking over, it felt like sitting in the the stink poop shed with my light on someone was watching me, every thought I had imploded, would I die here? Then I thought of my son and how I wanted to be everything he needs from a mother that I didn’t get. Luckily, I had a deviated septum so it was hard to breathe, I took a deep breath, turned off my flashlight and stepped out because the worst thing wasn’t death to me the worst thing was my son not having a mother that chose fear over self-empowerment.

And when I walked back to the tent in total darkness… I wasn’t scared anymore.

Not because the fear disappeared, but because I finally had my own back. I talked to myself like my sister used to. I comforted the little girl who had no power, no voice, and no light all those years ago.

And that’s the heart of what I do at Obey Coaching.

Healing isn’t just about coping—it’s about reclaiming your voice. It’s about turning night terrors into nightlight wisdom. It’s about becoming the protector, the healer, the badass you always needed.

So let’s talk about how we turn these survival stories into empowerment tools…

These aren’t fancy textbook tools. These are the real-life things that helped me survive my childhood, heal in adulthood, and finally stand strong in who I am today. I use these same tools in Obey Coaching, because I know they work—because they worked on me.

1. Self-reflection — Getting honest with myself

For years, I was just surviving, numb, reactive, and scared of my own emotions. Self-reflection is when I finally slowed down and asked: “Why do I react this way? Where did this come from?”It helped me connect the dots between little Alana under the table and grown Alana afraid to speak up. That awareness gave me the power to start changing.

2. Storytelling — Owning my truth

Telling my story used to make me feel ashamed. But the more I shared it, the more I realized,

my voice is medicine. Storytelling helped me stop carrying the shame that didn’t belong to me. I wasn’t broken. I was surviving. And by speaking it out loud, I found connection instead of isolation.

3. Inner dialogue — Talking to my inner child

I started comforting myself the way my sister used to.When I was scared, I’d literally say out loud, “You’re safe now. I got you.”This felt weird at first, but it helped me rebuild trust with the younger version of me who was left in the dark. Now, I don’t abandon myself—I show up.

4. Self-compassion — Not beating myself up for hurting

I used to think healing meant being strong all the time. But real strength is being gentle with myself especially when I was struggling with insomnia. Instead of saying, “Why am I so messed up?” I started saying, “Of course you can't sleep, you went through a lot. And you’re still here.” That changed everything.

5. Facing fear — One small brave act at a time

Healing didn’t mean suddenly being fearless. It meant doing the scary thing anyway—like walking to that outhouse in the dark.I still felt fear, but I didn’t let it stop me. That moment reminded me: fear doesn’t mean I’m weak. It means I’m healing.

6. Connection — Letting people in

When I finally shared my story with others, something beautiful happened. People said “me too.”Healing got lighter when I wasn’t carrying it alone. That’s why I believe so deeply in community and coaching—because we weren’t meant to do this alone.

These tools didn’t fix everything overnight. But they helped me to stop hiding, start healing, and step into who I was always meant to be.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “That’s me too,”—I promise, your healing is possible. And I’d be honoured to walk with you.

If you’re walking through the dark right now—whether it’s childhood trauma, addiction, or just one of those pallative care funks I see you. And if no one ever told you this before: You don’t have to do it alone. You deserve light.You deserve you.- Alana Obey

Your Path. Your Pace. Your Power.- Obey Coaching